Backfiring Expectations

This post is about a recent personal experience. Not so much a general post.

Prologue

This is not like the traditional prologue. But using the term all the same, just for flavour. 

December 2008, I’d gone with my mom, granny and my granny’s brother-in-law’s family (including his wife, 2 daughters i.e, my cousin maasis, and the elder maasi’s daughter, i.e. my cousin), totally 8 of us, on a pilgrimage to Palitana, a holy place of the Jains.

Both my maasis are settled in the USA, and my cousin was 6-7 years old then, when they’d come down here.

I was quite a few magnitudes of plumpness (if that’s a unit at all) plumper back then. And I had a clear face.

Over four days, I’d bonded really well with my cousin. It took a while to get her (and myself) to talk, because honestly, I find it really difficult to come up with ‘baby talk’. Not exactly baby talk, but something to engage a second grade kid. She was shy at first, always hiding behind her mom, as kids usually do, but she was surprisingly mature for her age, and as time went by, she got more and more comfortable, and my plump face probably supported the bonding.

We had an awesome time on the last day and in the train, discussing India, and the fields and jhopdas we saw from the train window, and cows, sheep and pigs (which unlike the pink American ones she was used to seeing, were a rude shade of black-grey-brown), and she was indeed very sad to see me get off at an earlier station.

I found it amazing how well she grasped things, and how excited she was to learn about the new things she saw here (having spent most of her years in the USA). Before she went back to the USA, we met once again at a get-together, and she was exclusively overjoyed when she saw me and spent most of the time with me. The best part being I enjoyed it too, and coming up with stuff to talk was hardly an issue.

3 years later.

December 2011, my younger maasi scheduled to wed in India. This would mean my cousin coming down to India! I was overjoyed, and waiting to see her, for though I’d been intermittently in touch with my elder maasi, I hadn’t directly spoken to her since.

As stated in an earlier post, I’d pulled down a lot, and looked a bit different, with pimples, a moustache and an excuse of a beard on my face.

I was supposed to go for the Sangeet Sandhya (Musical Evening). A large number of family members were participating in dance sequences, but I bailed out, citing random projects and travel issues as excuses. In fact, my cousin had asked about me as well! I was happy to hear that. Of course, as an aftermath, I regret not participating, because the dance learning process is indeed a lot of fun, coupled with loads of free, incredibly tasty junk food everyday for the participants.

Back to the main thing, I spotted my cousin as soon as I reached. Then stealthily I walked up behind her, and tapped her on the head with my index finger, expecting her to turn around and jump with joy.  

Turn around she did, and stood there gazing at me, not saying a word, perplexed.

I’d be wrong to say I’d not feared that would happen. She’d obviously not recognised me.

I said, “Hey, remember me?”

“No”

Goddam it. How bloody embarrassing. Luckily no one was nearby.

“Remember you’d gone to Palitana?”

“Yeah.”

“Remember Vishwa?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s me!”

A few seconds later, she said with a confused look on her face,

“You look different..” Then she walked off to her mom.

Curse my change in physique (for lack of a better word) and curse the damned pimples on my face.

Epilogue

Later that evening, when she was convinced that it was indeed me, we did catch up a bit. But amidst loads of other relatives and kids. That elated feeling of a long-lost cousins’ reunion that I'd expected had passed.

I always maintained that I’d changed for the better, healthier.

This was the first time I actually felt crap about having changed.

Vishwa.

Colors of Mumbai I

A general post. For someone who feels following a set protocol in public is the right thing to do. But can't do anything about it when it isn't followed by others.

This is something I've observed and been part of several times. Something a long-time Mumbaikar and BEST bus user would probably relate to. Not being too much of an extensive traveler, I haven't seen too much of other cities. Though I wonder if such situations ever arise in smaller places.

I was awaiting a bus to Powai at the Andheri (E) bus depot, from where 2 different buses have their starting point. There was a common line though. Which was sort of, the root of the problem.

The 'starting point', was marked by a ~7-8 m long railing on the footpath surrounded by shoe-shops. Given the time we'd been waiting since, and being the source of 2 buses, the line obviously extended till way outside the railing, over ~30 meters or so, and off the footpath (thanks to 'em shoe shops). Roughly 20 m of that line was behind me, maybe more.

After half-an-hour of waiting, one of them finally turned up. As expected, those in the 'railing section' waiting strictly for the other bus (lets call it B) backed off a step or two. This created a little lag as those awaiting our bus A tried to move past, struggling a bit in the restricted space between the railing and the B junta.

This lag was enough. Angrily I watched as a couple of A-liners ahead of me, outside the railing, 'free' to move, conveniently broke the line and began making their way shamelessly to the bus entrance.

An old couple, still stuck behind the railing, were dismayed. "What the hell is the point of forming a line?" Couldn't help feeling bad for them.

I thought I should do the right thing, and follow the line through the railing, as it should be.

Then I looked at the 20 m of similar, unscrupulous people behind me, who had conveniently not heard the couple, gearing up to rush in towards the bus. I realized I'd probably not even get a place to stand, in that case.

I thought of shouting out to them, to notice the line, the old couple, and the ideal blah. But I couldn't. They'd'nt have listened anyway.

So I joined the 2 idiots in front of me who'd broken the line, jabbed and pushed hard at the guys behind me, using the full force of my elbows, in my effort to get into the bus. I noticed the old couple, successfully out of the trapper of a railing by now, struggling to get in, alongside me and infinite other people. I was pushed in, looking behind to see if they made it next (or ever).

Loads of place to sit inside, that I probably didn't deserve, I thought. May be I'll get up if the old couple don't find a place to sit. Was I wrong in breaking the line? I'd to look out for myself too, I guess. So its justified now.

I was thankful that they did find a place. Didn't bother to notice though, what happened of the other deserving commuters. What am I, Mother Teresa?

So such is life in Mumbai. Does it take a bomb blast for people to show some goodness?

Vishwa.

PS: Lukkhaness. Made a Top view of it in Paint.

The Grand Gujju Wedding I: Family Reunions

This post is not a wedding-bashing. A subsequent one might just be, though. This is actually about the beauty of correctly timed weddings.

I wonder how the situation is for you, but I reached an all-time low on in-family socializing during my +2. Thanks to the stiff competition, wasting even one minute of time was like losing 1 rank in the JEE, and getting closer to ruining your life, and this pretty much prevented me from attending any family gathering. In fact, I had'nt even seen 2 of my new born cousins during this time (shamefully), until last year.

The huge, awesome winter holiday IIT gives us is surely a blessing. It is enough time to catch up with all those you've missed and who've missed you (of course, that's if you haven't gone on an out-station internship to keep up with the competitive times, or you aren't a final year-ite sitting for placements/apping, or an MI CG, or an inter-IIT player (basically, if you are completely lukkha)). Twas one for me definitely, last year, when 3 weddings happened over 2 sides of my family during December, and not during MI.

When meeting family members after a long time, it does feel very awkward. There's that little guilt inside, that tinge of regret for not having met or spoken to them for so long. More so when you know they'd been around when you were young, playing with you and allowing you to win always, gifting you toffees et al, cheering you up and calming the tantrums. Meeting my maasis (mom's younger cousins) felt just that way. They would come for me from all across Mumbai, when I was little. They'd all grown up too, and now have kids, whom I'd barely met or spoken to, let alone played with, since the last few 'career building' years.

So two of the weddings, which happened to be on my maternal grandmother' s side, were the means for me to get in touch with my long lost brothers and sisters (9 in total). I had a ball! 2 toddlers, and the rest progressively increasing in age till me. Being the eldest of them all, I do get (command? :P ) a lot of respect, but more so, those few days of the several, several pre-wedding and wedding functions helped us all bond really well. It was heavily nostalgic for me, in the sense that I'd bonded a lot as a kid with my maasis. Time spent with cousins is precious! Especially the much younger ones. It feels good that they look up to you for a lot of things.

The first thing you hear about yourself on meeting the older generation after a long interim, is the unbelieving way in which they say 'he has grown up quite a lot, hasn't he!' While that would seem obvious at first, I'd realize later how on one hand I was always a little kid to them, and how ~1o odd years hardly seems like a long time-span at that age. So while you might've grown, you're still the apple of your grandmom's eye.

Though it may not seem obvious at first, your grandparents introducing you to several new aged people, going out of their way to connect you to their distant acquaintances, making your educational background etc. known is all for a reason. As 20 somethings, we are next in line! (To get married, I meant.) All eyes are on us. Its almost like a way of mating, for families. The way we dress, the way our parents dress, the jewellery (which may even be borrowed, but as long as that is not known, no one cares) and the expensive suits are all (supposed to be) indicative of how well settled we're expected to be, and whether we'll be able to take sufficient care of the needs and wants of their pretty daughters! Of course, we have our own ideas about that.

Meanwhile, I'd pulled down a lot, over 3 years of studying (and subsequently forgetting) engineering, and couldn't help but swell with pride as I heard people compliment my new-found fitness (as I'd like to think so). That, however, wasn't stopping me from gorging on the awesome food in inhuman quantities.

Wedding coming up again, correctly timed! Which is kind of what inspired this post. This time, my maternal grandfather's side, and hence a different set of cousins! And different unknown people to put up a good show in front of.

I hope to write more on a Gujju wedding in a subsequent post. Its one of the most extravagant affairs I've come across so far, extravagance born out of warmth, enthusiasm and the need for perfection! Hence the numbered title.

Vishwa.

Writer's Block

Its been quite a while since I last wrote something non-academic. I've found myself struggling to find a topic to write on. Not that there's any shortage here. In a country like ours, just the political scenario is enough to write a novel upon, let alone a blog. Yet, I find myself wanting in opinion. Something I attribute to my complete disinterest in current affairs.

Why go even so far as that. There's enough going on in IIT as it is, enough to make it to the columns of an all India newspaper, on an almost daily basis. And there's always been music, and tennis, and other stuff I love, to write on. Yet for someone suffering from the Writer's Block, its as they say, hidden in plain sight.

My recent enforced department obsession is not really helping either. I have just gotten out of the most hectic, life-sapping semester ever, and cribbing about the workload or my duties as CR form the most of my thoughts or conversations, as reasonably good friends of mine would agree.

I later wonder what people around me must think of that. Reminds me of an episode in F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Ross rambles on (and passionately so) with some dinosaur-talk at the coffee place; a very close friend of mine sent me this link to cheer me up when I was low, though I wonder if the message was implicitly hidden (in the first minute of this video) Friends Moments. (Of course, I'm always hopeful there'll be some Rachel among those listening to me, but aah..)

So here I am, attempting to shed off the block. I'm pretty sure there'll be a lot to notice and write about, If I stop brooding so much. I intend to post anecdotes, or observations, or whatever, which will hopefully get better with time.

The name of this blog, of course, is somewhat chemical-engineering-fundae-inspired (pretty much highlights my current unidirectional thinking phase). Not in the sense that its something strictly scientific, but since that is where I first came across the notion of transient and steady states. My views may vary over time, definitely, as I imbibe others' opinions or learn newer things. They may border over hypocrisy, even, depending on the situation. But mostly, its for the welcoming feel of being able to think, notice, discuss and appreciate (or criticize) something else for a change.

Vishwa.